Two Poems by Nancy Botta

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If this gets 20 likes I’ll DM my Soul.

Tap tap
flick.

6:02 am, eyes crusted, dry mouth
the cavern in my chest grows larger
as the light saturates the bedroom
and reflects a tired face
on a smudged black screen.

Tap tap
flick.

I don’t know you Caitlin32,
but your life is an exhibition
and I’m just a greedy voyeur
trying to fill a giant cavity
with your perfect pastiche
of placid domesticity.

Tap tap
flick.

Gold watches, invisalign smiles
your curated lifestyle content beams at me,
like a radio transmitter
set to crippling self-loathing
with the reverb of an envious pout.

Tap tap
flick.

Drag myself out of bed,
it’s time to feed the bullshit machine
with artfully contoured cheeks
and an empty family posed with
tepid, day old Acai bowls—
‘God damnit Jeffery,
I don’t care if you’re tired,
you need to SMILE for the likes.’

Tap tap
click.

a/s/l?

AOL 4.0, Town Square Chat Room, 12:17 AM

She’s looking for an answer
to her lonely adolescence,
by shooting wishful invitations
into a sea of ASCII dicks.

She’s looking for the frisson
of a soul-struck witness,
something more than KooLMiKe86
asking ‘wanna cyber? u got any pics?’

She’ll find progs, bots, and pedophiles
maybe a digital boyfriend or two,
but she’ll never find her 8 bit kinship,
even the dial-up world has its cliques.

Nancy Botta lives in Berwyn, Illinois and has been previous published in WINK: Writers in the Know, Three Lines Poetry, and our very own Soft Cartel. 

★ Three Poems by Nancy Botta

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Oh my God, shut up Susan

Small talk
about the holidays
new year, new you
maybe you’ll go paleo—
there’s no way out of this room

 

Small talk
about the weather
mudslides and ice patches
maybe you’ll buy new boots—
there’s no way out of this exchange

 

Small talk
about the community
the alderman is up for re-election
maybe you’ll remember to vote—
there’s no way out of this moment

 

Small talk
about the neighbors
always screaming and banging
maybe you’ll call the cops later—
there’s no way out of this script

 

If I could
I would fold myself up
slip through the walls
and disappear forever
but you’re here, talking at my face
with the expectation of geniality
so just give me a moment
to think up some bullshit
just give me a moment
to breathe.

That time you fell asleep at 4 p.m. while watching your child play—

You find yourself face down on a polyester couch
eyeglasses in hand and barely awake
you hear the toddler toddling 3 feet away
and hope they have the presence of mind
to not kill themselves or toddle into the radiator
that shrieks like a ghoul whenever it gives off heat.

 

Tired.
You’ve never felt this tired before
and you wonder if this is what a slow death feels like
an unrelenting surrender to the warm exhale of sleep
or a yawning inhale of the vast unknown;
but death is such a morbid contemplation
not at all appropriate for a stolen cat nap
amidst toddling toddlers and shrieking radiators
so you turn back and swim away from the catacomb
away from an invitation to the dreamless deep.

 

You find yourself awake, alive (and just a little bit sweaty)
time is immaterial as you grasp around for your glasses;
Is the toddler still toddling? Check
Is the radiator still shrieking? Check
Has the toddler managed to avoid
toddling into the radiator and kick start
all sorts of shrieking? Check and check.

 

So you b r e a t h e
stretch
and blink in the world
of toddling toddlers
shrieking radiators
and try to put away that coaxing memory
of that fathomless, bottomless, endless sleep.

Generation Loss

Generation loss of a happy moment—
sun and grass, watermelon smiles
loop back
cut the noise
record, let’s try that again.

Static glows from her head
and pitch shifts her voice
(the one you almost forgot)
when she pulls you in and says
“smile for the camera!”—
red juice drips off your chin
as you jostle pink meat
against white teeth and full cheeks;
beaming at a little red light
beaming like a little sun.

Generation loss of a happy moment—
sun and grss, watrmlon smils
loop back
cut the noise
record, let’s try that again.

 

Nancy Botta lives in Berwyn, Illinois and has been previous published in WINK: Writers in the Know.