you can’t breathe, i know.
i get it.
i can only speak when you ignore me.
(whether for you or for me) –
you always do.
look, there’s this tape, a fucking cassette, this neurological mess of thick black tape rolled neatly into this godawful crinkling static VHS that i cannot claw out of my fucking skull no matter how hard i try probably not even if i poured acid all over this shitty hunk of meat encased in bone atop my stupid fucking neck no matter how hard i try lord knows i have tried and my flesh crumbles at the memory alone so FUCK YOU.
i still wake up with lungs full of mud.
it’s not a metaphor for what you think it is.
you don’t get it, you don’t care, you’re still ignoring me.
i’m so tired. i’m so tired of watching that fucking tape. yes, i fucking am how would you know otherwise and just because sometimes i play it at will doesn’t mean i like it, it doesn’t mean i like it and you won’t ever understand why i do it so stop trying.
it entered me freely. i don’t know when. but i let it in.
look, sometimes i just want a reason. and you gave me one i can play back over and over and over and it doesn’t stop and it goes over and over and over and
just pick one already and pray.